domingo, setembro 27, 2015

Extreme Awfulness: "Make Me" by Lee Child


Published September 8th, 2015.

I'm going to write a pastiche à la Lee Child. It's going to be fun:

He looked at her.
She looked at him.
They both climbed up the stairs without saying a word to each other.
He said nothing.
He tried unlocking the door, but the key didn’t fit.
She looked at him again wondering what the hell was going on.
He said nothing.
He tried to force the door open with his huge and capable hands.
She looked at him with admiration.
He was finally able to open the door using a tooth pick he had picked up during dinner.
Without looking at him she walked through the door ahead of him.
He said nothing.
The hotel room was stuffy.
He hanged his immaculate shirt on a chair so as to be able to show off his chiseled body complete with bulging biceps and ripped abs.
She looked at him with an uncertain look.
He stretched and said nothing.
She averted her eyes embarrassed.
He stretched some more and kept on saying nothing.
She turned about and left the stuffy room.
He stretched some more this time with one hand behind his back.
He said nothing because he had no one to say anything to.
Instead he looked around and didn’t see her.
He wondered.
He said nothing but kept on thinking without saying nothing.
What?
Is?
Happening?
Should I get dressed?
I think I’m catching a chill.
Chill?
No. Maybe a chilli would be nice.
Nice?
Uhm. Nice France.
What? Where is she, he thought in wonder?
Why did she leave?
Did she go to Nice?

"LEE!!!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING UP THERE ALONE IN YOUR ROOM??? COME DOWN RIGHT THIS MINUTE. THE FOOD IS ON THE TABLE."
(*someone falling off a bed*)

NB: Even with my brain almost completely turned off, this time around I just simply couldn’t... I must try my hand at writing one of these. I believe they’d be a huge success as well…No “guilty pleasure” can withstand this extreme awfulness…


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