quarta-feira, novembro 16, 2016

The Curse of the Blue Meth: "How To Write A Novel The Easy Way Using The Pulp Fiction Method To Write Better Novels: Writing Skills" by Jim Driver, Jack Davies

 Hi Ladys and Gentleman,
I am writing this fiction for one reason and one reason only; angrykiller90210 said I couldn't do it!
They said I couldn't stick with anything. Well, this will be proof positive and it will be awesome! I'll do this in 3 parts, below is just the intro which doesn't count towards those 3. Like the Hobbit movie.
(btw, I'll finish the last parts of my other Breaking Bad story later, btw.)

 Seeya, From,

A Budding Author.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...it was 6 o'clock.

My name is Ghost DarkmoonRaveny and this is my story.
A year ago got a job working for TEDTALKS. I am just an intern, but I am already fitting in like "one of the boys" (I am a girl though!)
In fact, my boss, Steve, has taken a real shine to me and has said he will let me play around with one of TEDTALKSs big things.
I can’t wait!
Despite working at TEDTALKS, I am also friends with Ninja Walter and most of his “entendrege.” I know Ninja Walt and Ultimate DarkmoonRaveny and Ghost Marie and Pokemon Jesse and Future Saul. I met them all a while ago in my backstory and these days I had known them for other reasons.
I call on them for help (or, more often, they call on me for help!) quite often.
By coincidence, this was one of those times!
"Hay Ghost DarkmoonRaveny we need the help of you and the TEDTALKS again"
"Sure thing Ninja Walt my man you know you can count on the TEDTALKS!"
"It’s you I count on, Ghost DarkmoonRaveny" said Ninja Walter White causing me to blush.
After that I put down the phone and started telling everyone else what was up.
"Ok, gang" I said to the rest of TEDTALKS.
"Ninja Walter White has asked for our help. It seems Weyland-Yutani Corporation is up to their old tricks, and we are the best people to take them down!"
"They are after the Blue Meth, but we have to get there first else we are all doomed to a hellish ‘futurpoclypse!’"
"What do we do?" said TEDTALKS
"That's easy. We do what the TEDTALKS always does - fight evil."

Now it was tomorrow and I was assembling my team.
I first choose Ninja Walter White, who I had called in specially as our outside expert.
I then choose Ghost DarkmoonRaveny as they were good at stuff.
Also Bob from our private army so we had someone disposable who wouldn't be needed in future stories.
I also choose myself, due to my all around abilities.
After everyone was chosen and me and Ninja Walter started planning.

In the planning room we evaluated the data we had.
"Ok, we know that Weyland-Yutani Corporation is trying to find the Blue Meth. This is probably so they can use it to dominate our friends and family"
"Now I have called our friends at the NATO and they have narrowed the location of the Blue Meth down to Avalon."
"Can’t they do better than that?" said Ultimate DarkmoonRaveny
"No, it’s only NATO""
"-sigh-stupid NATO."
"yeah. TEDTALKS has always to keep bailing NATO out of trouble..
"Well, I guess we are off to Avalon!" said Ninja Walt.
So we all leaped onto our TEDTALKS Teslas and went over there!
Once we got there we found our worst fears had already come to pass; Weyland-Yutani Corporation was already there. Weyland-Yutani Corporation petrol's were all over the city, searching in every iggloo and warehouse.
"They are looking for the Blue Meth!" said Steve.
"We have to beat them too it!"
We began sneakily and stealthy running around the city. Unlike Weyland-Yutani Corporation, we had more information about where to look.

After a period of time looking, and with Ninja Walts help, we found it before them.
"There is it is! At least!" I said, pointing to the Blue Meth hidden by a weird skyscraper.
"So it is" said Steve, suddenly grinning.
"I guess then this charade is over!"
Steve pulled of his mask and suddenly his face was Unicorn Todds!
I stood gob smacked in the face.
"Yes, that's right Ghost DarkmoonRaveny & Ninja Walter, it was me all along I, Unicorn Todd was Steve the whole time!"
 "I don't understand" said Ninja Walt. "Why?"
"That's easy. I knew I could never find the Blue Meth without your help, and I knew you would never help me. So I became CEO of TEDTALKS, and employed Ghost DarkmoonRaveny. After that it was simply a matter of earning your respect, creating a threat and waiting for you to call Ninja Walt"
"Creating a threat? You mean Weyland-Yutani Corporation?"
"Yes, that's right! Weyland-Yutani Corporation is just a bunch of actors I hired. It was all an elaborate set up to make you lead me to the Blue Meth"
 "Gosh, how could we have been so foolish" said Ninja Walt.
I was frozen still. My life had been a lie. I had believed in the TEDTALKS. Believed in what it stood for. Believed in the good work we did. But it was a lie. It was all a front. It was Unicorn Todd all along.
I pressed through the pain though. Maybe TEDTALKS was a lie, but that didn't mean its cause was meaningless. It didn't mean I had to surrender, to give up.
"No. I fight for TEDTALKS and I will never give up. Regardless of you, "Steve" " (I said that last part sarcastically).
"That's right" said Ninja Walt. "You might have fooled us. Made our lives a lie and stood in front of our nose the whole time, but you can never take away our spirit"
"You foolish fools. You are already defeated" said Unicorn Todd Alquist .
"I had a whole army at my command!"
Just then we were surrounded. We were about to give up again when I remembered something.
"You can't fool us again Unicorn Todd! These people are just actors!"
With that me and Ninja White started punching and kicking them, using our Chemistry when needed.
As they were actors they were easy to take out, leaving just Unicorn Todd.
"Nooooo...my fake army...." 

 "And now I’m going to deal with you!"
In perfect “syncro-heroism”, me and Ninja Walt leapt at "Steve", pulling of a massive Chemistry karate-chop combo.
"Arg..." said Unicorn Todd as he ran towards the Blue Meth.
But we did it again and again till he fell unconscious. He was just a few meters from the Blue Meth; it had been a close call.
"We won...but now what?"  said Ninja Walter.
I looked around at our devastated lives.
"Only one choice. We rebuild TEDTALKS and repair the years of damage it was secretly doing to this world."

Note from the author of this post: All the grammar and eventual spelling mistakes are an integral part of this story.

2 comentários:

Book Stooge disse...

Damn that Weyland-Yutanni, they're tricky son of a guns, for sure!

Manuel Antão disse...