Ropey CGI: "Game of Thrones - Season 8" by David Benioff, D.B. Weiss

I watch all kinds of shit. I'll admit it's shit instead of kidding on that dragons and titties are some clever allegory for our times. It's not only the show itself I've issues with. It's the blanket media coverage and lack of critical engagement with it, like watching grown adults screaming at a tour bus.

The quality of the writing has really dropped off. The conflation and incorporation of some minor character's important deeds into the narrative of major characters has left folk behaving in uncharacteristic ways, and this has had a domino effect on the overall quality of characterisation and general believability. It is partly structural, and partly to do with the perception that you can't actually translate the source material faithfully because it is either too complex, or too boringly uncinematic or untelevisual. The point behind novels like GRRM's in fantasy, or even Jilly Cooper's oeuvre, is the narrative is strong enough to get you through the prose. (Though Cooper can write well and elegantly when she tries hard.) But they are about story. Same with Tolkien. When you mess with storyteller's narratives when adapting for TV or cinema - because those minor characters almost all do something major, even if it's just writing their journal, or marrying someone, or being in the right place to kill someone more important than they are - then you are disturbing something crafted to make the narrative in order for it to conform to the requirements of the new medium it is translated into. And the writers and showrunners are getting sloppy, as can be seen.

The CGI was definitely ropey. The back projection on the dragon ride was like something from a 1950s film. Overall, this episode was utter shite. What a shadow of itself it’s become. The dialogue is egregious, some of the acting laughably bad. The only reason to watch the rest is out of curiosity and because so much of your time has already been invested in it. I do think it’s best to just accept the show has been in terminal decline since it departed from the books and became a victim of its own success. The gymnastics you’d have to perform to pretend to yourself that it’s still a good show! Just accept it’s mostly tosh, a wooden soap opera with ropey cgi.

All of these will happen:

Jon kills Sam to silence him.

It get's out anyway and Jon marries Sansa.

Arya kill's Dany disguised as Jon after a fruity knobbing scene.

Jon and Sansa, now married get eaten by Dragons.

HotPie kills, cooks and eats the Dragons.

Theon sells his "as new" fleshlight.

Arya and Ganery get married.

Bran opens a Theatre.

Bottom-line: Since the series overtook the books the dialogue has been awful.

"What do Dragons eat?" 

"Whatever they like."

Cliched and unworthy.

The end of the line for me. Better watch "The First" instead.

A Handful of Nothing: "Fire & Blood" by George R.R. Martin, Doug Wheatley

Nope. This is not a review of “Fire & Blood” which I’ve just finished. This is going to take the form of a suggestion aimed at Martin for the “forthcoming” “Winds of Winter”… "What about "Fire & Blood," you may ask. "I couldn't care less." Crap.

An apocalyptic battle between the White Walkers and fire-breathing dragons results in the Ice Wall being melted, thus inundating much of the North with a gigantic flood, but causing practically no human casualties, as the Nights Watch by now consists of Jon Snow, Gilly and her baby, all of whom are saved by sitting on top of Sam Tarly, who is in turn holding on to the tail of Jon Snow's direwolf. They thus escape the flood, being eventually rescued by the fortuitous arrival of the ship commandeered by Arya Stark and Gendry, who she rescued from the dungeons of House Frey, all of whom she had personally killed after she thought they had looked at her funny. Sam, Gilly and Arya settle in the Iron Islands, with the aid of Yara, who likes the cut of Gilly's jib and marries her in a touching lesbian ceremony presided over by Sam, who for his part never has sex with anyone, ever. Arya eventually marries Gendry, who sets to work applying his ironworking skills to establishing a successful metallurgic industry using the Islands' most famous resource, which thus in a classic application of the free-market economy makes the Islands the centre of the wider Northern economy, rendering any military conquest of the Boltons unnecessary. The humbled Boltons opt to quit the human-flaying business in order to relocate to sunnier Braavos, where they become rich by turning their talents to opening tanning salons and sausage restaurants for Westerosian tourists, Westeros under the rule of Queen Daenerys and her new Hand, Tyrion, having experienced a massive economic boom once the country abandoned the monetarist policies of the Lannisters. The Lannisters are by now practically extinct, as all their members have by now all murdered each other, married each other, or murdered each other after having married each other, with the exception of Tyrion, who, as we saw, managed to sneak into Daenerys' good books by virtue of advocating a Keynesian strategy of economic stimulus (the dragons periodically burn everything down, which thus obliges everyone to rebuild it), and Tommen, who had wisely opted to marry his cat Ser Pounce instead, before being murdered by the latter at the wedding. Tyrion is by now happily reunited with Sansa, who has come to realise after her adventures that there are worse things in life than a randy husband who drinks a lot. Daenerys opts to unite the Houses of Lannister and Targaryen by marrying Ser Pounce, a tentative liaison with Theon Greyjoy having proved unsatisfactory in various aspects (Theon joins Varys to become a popular comedy duo in Westerosian seaside resorts, managed by Lord Petyr Baelish, who discovers in show business the true stage for unlimited Macchiavellian plotting and amoral deception). Stannis Baratheon is reduced to being their bouncer, having been abandoned by Melisandre, who married Bran Stark after the latter inveigled her into seeking unlimited power by adopting the Children as her own children. The Children keep her out of trouble by raucously demanding lavish home-cooked meals every hour, on the hour, for the rest of her natural life. Jon Snow is made heir to the throne, but continues to mope about King's Landing in a miserable and gloomy state until he meets Margaery Tyrell, whereupon he finally realises that he has found the true purpose in his life, which is to marry her and thereafter devote all his energy and waking hours to making her as gloomy and miserable as he himself is.

Martin, take it or leave it. Pay up on your way out please…

The-George-R-R-Martin-that-also-wrote-stuff-other-than-the-famigerated-GoT: “Tuf Voyaging” by George R. R. Martin

“I will sit here in the coolness and talk my thoughts to this crystal and I will drink my wine and watch the flyers, the few who still live, as they dance and soar against the night. Far off, they look so like shadowgulls above my living sea. I will drink my wine and remember how that sea sounded when I was but a Budakhar boy who dreamed of stars, and when the wine is gone I will use the flamer.

(Long silence)

I can think of no more words to say. Janeel knew many words and many names, but I buried her this morning.

(Long silence)

If my voice is ever found . . .

(Short pause)

If this is found after the plague star has waned, as the night-hunters say it will, do not be deceived. This is no fair world, no world for life. Here is death, and plagues beyond numbering. The plague star will shine again.

(Long silence)

My wine is gone.

(End of recording)”

In “Tuf Voyaging” by George R. R. Martin

I sometimes need to learn to relax a bit and don't think of reading as always something that always has to be deep and meaningful. I try to think of genres in the same way one may think of food. One day I might go to the trouble or expense of a chateaubriand, and the next day I really, really fancy cheese on toast. Some days I want to be moved, the next have my head twisted inside out only to follow that with a bit of Jeeves. My advice: (1) don’t get your knickers in a twist about it. The authors all have different intentions and audiences, or maybe that should be audiences in a particular mood and frame of mind that day. For me, SF is my escape from the feeling I really should appreciate, analyse and be critical, and instead just float along happily in a haze of sun, sea and alcohol, or cold medicine, whatever the case may be. Like a secret stash of chocolates to relax with on my own; (2) Don't make reading into a chore. You don't always have to learn something. Sometimes it's just pure fun and recreation. SF allows you to make your own rules and set them in your own invented history. You can place it all in a universe where up is down if you wish and certainly on a world where they have a pink sky and two cooperating suns at one time. The author is truly omnipotent. But the prose doesn't need to be creaky. There are master craftsmen writing in this genre, for instance the-George-R-R-Martin-that-also-wrote-stuff-other-than-the-famigerated-GoT. I'm thinking about this particular little gem called "Tuf Voyaging". Who would have thought Martin had it in him to write stuff like this? As for all this stuff re genres and validity at literature, all genres have dross and have gems. Not seeing that also applies to SF is as dumb as not seeing in this in historical novels or biographies. I accept that for some genre of SF may not be their cup of tea, though maybe this often because they have not been exposed to gems from the genre and have seen some prejudice affirmed from what they have read. Which is a shame, for them. Creaky prose, preposterous characterisation, racist attitudes and all? In fact, if the dilemmas of impoverished middle-class young women in Regency England, or idealistic bootleggers in 1920s New York or ambitious young Irish politicians in late nineteenth century England are not necessarily escapist now, then nor are those of noblemen in an island torn by civil war with the prospect of others crossing the Wall and rumours of dragons overseas. This George-R-R-Martin-that-also-wrote-stuff-other-than-the-famigerated-GoT is as fine a set of SF stories as I have ever read, dealing with the problems and relationships of humanity and their technology, bound up with fascinating characters and plots. It also deals in a cautionary way with the problems of unrestrained population growth. Finally, it explores the consequences that result when a single human being gains the ultimate power of life and death. Go and read “Tuf Voyaging”. It’s that good.

SF = Speculative Fiction.

NB: Peter Tillman brought this book to my attention. I'm glad he did.

An Incantation, a Haircut and Boom, Voilà, Jon Snow is Back From the Dead. Really? : "Game of Thrones - 6th Season"

I just finished the 2nd episode of the 6th season of GoT and at the end I said to myself: “WTF???”. I’ve been telling this to all my friends: Martin has sold his soul off to the devil, in this case he’s sold off his soul to the highest bidder, the TV God. Jon Snow resurrecting? Lol. Jon Snow was not resurrected in any of the published books, i.e., the last of the book published in 2011 ends with his death, so the showrunners imagined his resurrection the way they wanted to make the show last to the last drop of blood…If any one of you read the books (forget about the show), we know Sir Davos does not know Jon Snow all that much. So why the resurrection? On top of that we saw Sir Davos trying to convince the Red Woman to use black magic to bring back Jon Snow which seems in total conflict to his character from previous seasons.  When Sir Davos was with Stannis, he argued against using magic all the time, thinking it was dirty and dangerous. It just doesn’t make any sense! This is my main objection against the series in TV Form, i.e., we don’t understand shit. To begin with, where does the magic comes from? In other words, the show doesn't properly contextualize magic. The books do. Second, what’s the context of the walkers, the dragons, the dragon-fire, and the red woman’s powers? Take for instance the prayers of the red woman over the dead to be returned; these prayers were never answered until suddenly they were. WTF! Beric being alive was a miracle to the priest performing the rites as well. But, Martin when wearing his money grabbing hat for the show did not give us enough clues for us to properly establish this. In my book this means Jon's coming back to life isn't a part of the larger scheme of things narrative-wise, but rather a weird thing that happened so that Martin could get a few more dollars by being involved with the show. The whole shebang in book form explains this quite well. For starters, magic is inextricably linked to dragons and the length of the seasons. When the dragons were killed off in the beginning of time, magic mostly stopped working, which was why the Maesters killed the dragons in the first place, and when magic did work it was weak and random. I think Martin has concluded the show is just utter crap and he’s lost his enthusiasm for it and is just trying to finish it as quickly as possible without incurring the wrath of the fans. I still remember what happened to X-Files, and Lost. I wonder whether Martin still cares about the show all that much. Jon Snow dead for 2 days?? Does he think we’re all stupid?? Narrative-wise it’d have been more plausible if the red woman had resurrected him immediately after he died. I'm pretty sure Jon Snow smelled worse than his burning mane by the time the incantations started…. With this 2^nd episode what I feared happened (I’d been delaying watching this 6^th season, but a friend of mine insisted…). This 2^nd episode demonstrates once again some novels ought not to be made into a TV series. An incantation, a haircut and boom, voilà, Jon Snow is back from the dead. Really? No more. Bye bye GoT.

NB: I’m not sure I’ll read the next volume when it comes out. Martin has surpassed all decency in terms of book publishing. Enough is enough.

Nihilist SF: "A Clash of Kings" by George R. R. Martin

(My own copy)

It shows how far fantasy has fallen as a genre if people think GOT is the high water mark, but in truth, the "rot" started with Tolkien and his world building, now everybody thinks that a few maps, a few dragons, and providing the nominal GDP of every region in your world, is enough to constitute a 'fantasy' book. I blame Tolkien for making it sound so easy...In its defense, “A Clash of Kings” is one redeeming mark is that it's not Robert Jordan's God awful “Wheel of Time” series, but that's not much of an endorsement, is it? As for “A Clash of Kings”, what do we have? A Medieval soap opera with some fantasy elements tacked on, war of the roses with dragons thrown in for good measure... There is little of metaphor, landscape, or humor. Nihilism is the keyword here, nasty brutish and short, to say nothing of the rampant misogyny that pervades this book at every turn...The irony is that Martin is a good writer, and before somebody says here we go, here's the hipster with the obscure book, “Fevre Dream” is a good fantasy novel, with all the key elements of what makes a good fantasy novel, worthy of its place in the fantasy masterworks series...”A Clash of Kings” is fantasy for people who wouldn't know the genre if it whacked them with Conan's jockstrap...If you consider Gene Wolfe, Fritz Leiber, Joe Abercrombie, Roger Zelazny and even, God forbid, Piers Anthony then George R. R. Martin shrinks. A lot...

(Bought in 2000)

On occasion he rises to "adequate". Sure, he's no Dan Brown and certainly no Jeffrey Archer, but he's a David Weber rather than an Iain M. Banks...He seems to have one good 'idea' per book - the battle of black water, the red wedding - but then fills the other 800 pages of each book with filler. It's quite clear he has no idea how to end it, and also clearly gets very bored of some of the characters he creates, which he solves by writing them out of the series and then introducing a load of new ones.

Whether he finishes it or not is kinda moot at this point I feel. The TV series (which I've reached as far as series 6 I admit, but I could only watch the first episode) feels so much better than the books is because it cuts out so much of the fluff and just gets on with the story (I've said this before elsewhere so I won't carry on) - something you feel George R. R. Martin could have learned a lot from a long time ago. If he, or his publisher demanded he got a decent editor, he'd probably be finished by now with a series held in much higher regard than he's currently managing.

NB: “Tuf Voyaging” was a nice surprise. I didn’t know Martin had it in him to write like that.